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"A poet of lies shall my sad self yet be..." [entries|friends|calendar]

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[31 Dec 2005|05:54pm]
happy new year everyone!
i feel like i've grown so much in these passing months.
i've got another lj, so i don't think i'm going to update this one anymore... i'm going to keep it because of the value it has to me, and so i can always read back and see how i was a couple years ago.
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[03 Dec 2005|07:20pm]
my gosh. i feel like i blinked and boom! x-mas is upon us. sadly, i'm not going back to nj this winter... i want to, but it's just not going to happen. maybe my sen. trip i can go to nj since japan is out of the question. ::sigh::
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time, time, so little.... [16 Nov 2005|11:13pm]
well, it's almost thanksgiving. i wish everyone a great turkey day. :3
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i come with more thoughts. [21 Oct 2005|03:33pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

bahness. i'm so tired lately. i need to play some ddr to get myself going again.

i'm angry, i'm sad, i'm happy
the emotions roll off me
like water does a duck
i don't feel much
but i do feel some
i feel tings of warmess when i'm happy
i feel tings of wanting to cry when i'm upset
but that is all i ever have
i shut it all out
i still care, but i find myself not able to do much more
people come, people go
people are mad at me
they hold grudges
they talk to me as if we're friends
no matter what the reason, my heart beats faster;
me cheeks blush furiously
i've been picked out of the crowd
how strange it seems to be known
i gave up everything i knew
i stopped it all in vain
it stills drives me crazy that i was not strong enough
now i travel through life with no evident reason
i go with the flow; wherever life takes me
the shadows come and go
the voices get stronger
i am mad at myself for wanting it all
i'm looking for trouble
i'm in all the wrong places
my heart will be broken, but i just can't care anymore
i'm in shambles but no one cares
people don't stop and ask me anything
i guess it's better that way
i keep to myself.
i'll solve my own problems
and avoid humanity for all eternity.
i'll run till i feel safe
i'll stay in my own little world
say goodbye, i'm finally leaving
sailing on the big boat across the great river
i'll be gone soon
so no one else has to suffer

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feelings, emotions, ranting... all is forgotten [06 Oct 2005|05:13pm]
[ mood | blank ]

run, run
as fast as you can
you attempt to deny reality

run, run
you hate your future
you want to avoid it

run, run
you know the truth
get away from fate

run, run
be only a memory
of my faded thoughts

run, run
you are not coming back
and you never will

run, run
my reaper
you are near; i feel you

run, run
deny destiny
live on

run, run
you will die
and your blood will be on display

run, run... if you want to

it's bad poetry, indeed. i don't really like it, but that's all i could come up with.

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[05 Oct 2005|04:06pm]
5 comments|post comment

[06 Apr 2005|03:30pm]
LiveJournal Username
Do you watch anime?
Do you speak Japanese?
Do you read Japanese?
What if LiveJournal were an anime?
Pick a Beach Boys song.
The performer of the opening themegirlwithwheels
The magical girltmfreak
The talking animalbuff
The lecherous old manvulpusmirus
The teenager who uses ancient magic to win gameszabby_42
The fifteen-year-old Japanese girl with blond hair and a D cupdichtertoxique
Number of seasons it would last18,527
Quiz created by the_grene_kni3t at BlogQuiz.Net
LiveJournal Memes at Blog Quiz

What will your last words be?
by cum_on_bitch
Your LJ username
Your real name
Your sex
Your age
Your last words will be..."MMMM MORE FOOD!"
Quiz created with MemeGen!
8 comments|post comment

[05 Apr 2005|04:28pm]
Stole from Hiro, teh druggie pirate:
(Comments will be screened)

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Have you ever had a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Are you in love with me?
7. Give me a nickname and explain it.
8. Describe me in one word.
9. What was your first impression?
10. Do you still think that way about me now?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When was the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Would you come visit me?
17. Are you going to put this in your LJ and see what I say about you?

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[05 Apr 2005|04:27pm]
Stolen from buff:
1. Post a list of 10 anime or TV shows you follow (current or cancelled!).
2. Have your friends list guess your favourite CHARACTER from each show.
3. When guessed bold the line and write a sentence about why you like that character.
4. Post in your own livejournal.

(I know it says 10, but I did 15~)
1. Gravitation: Yuki Eiri dada_froggy, rampart, & seraphism
2. Megami Kouhosei (Candidate for Goddess)
3. Gundam Wing: Quatre Winner mistoline
4. Noir
5. Sailor Moon: Setsuna Meiou or Sailor Pluto tmfreak
6. D.N.Angel: Dark Mousy kagensakura
7. Card Captor Sakura
8. Cowboy Bebop: Edward kagensakura
9. Outlaw Star
10. Ranma 1/2
11. Peach Girl: Kylie kagensakura
12. Tenchi Muyo!
13. Tokyo MewMew
14. Yuu Yuu Hakusho: Hiei kagensakura & tmfreak
15. Inuyasha: Miroku kagensakura

Good luck everyone!! I'll try to give hints if no one knows.
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[05 Apr 2005|04:26pm]

My pirate name is:

Mad Bess Rackham

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

That's a kool name. XD

You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

I'm a cap't! drunkengaston watch out! Our ships may see one another's one day! :DD

I usually don't do these things... but I found this interesting.
Love ProfileCollapse )
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Let's see if I can do this is.... 7 minutes. XD [05 Apr 2005|07:02am]
Last night, apart from getting like NO sleep, I had a strange camino dream. >_>;;; ::one tracked mind::

For some reason, he had to stuff the camino bois in my aunt's Queen sized bed, but her bed was like... 5 in from the floor. Then Alison, Ookami and I had to sleep on the floor around the bed. And of course, I get to sleep on the floor next to where Hayato is. I knew he was not sleeping, and I kept trying to get his attention, but he would not speak to me. I slept for a while, and when I woke up [in the dream], the camino bois were listening to a weird Amer. song. o__o;; I turned off the radio and told them that they should sleep. They moaned and complained but agreed with me. XD

Finally, Hayato rolls over and decides to talk with me. I'm too tired by then, and I doze off again.. when I wake up again [still in the dream], Hayato has his body wrapped up with him with his hand on my lower back and his lips pressed to my forehead. Blushing, I go back to sleep.

Ookami wakes up the next morning, sees us, and starting giggling. I wake up, which wakes up Hayato... and he freaks out repeating "sorry" over and over. It was so cute! I brushed it off, saying it was fine, and talk into the living room.

Everything's chaotic there. I walk outside, and it's snowing. I'm like "WTFH? Okay... ::cold::" so I go back inside and go into the bedroom again. I try to wake the camino guys, but noooo~ no one wants to wake up.... and Ryosuke is naked for some reason. He's covered up, but I glomp him and that wakes him up. ::dies::

Finally, after much coaxing and much Hayato hugs, we leave and go where ever the hell we were going to.

And I woke up thanks to my alarm clock. x________________x;;

I really miss camino now. ::sob::
4 comments|post comment

[04 Apr 2005|05:34pm]
Today was kinda okay.
My insanity period may be drawing to a close soon.. until next month. (Ookami, I wrote it down again!!)

Um.. I joined a new community today. XD And I claimed chibi Hayato and chibi Kyo. ::dansu::

I have nothing else to say. School was a drag too, but I'm not going there. Peace. Bai.
4 comments|post comment

[03 Apr 2005|06:03pm]
Now for another actually post. I'm in a bad mood, so I feel like talking.

I hate men, and I hate humanity more. The end. >_>;;

Next weekend is our festival, and I don't know if what I will be doing. I might not even go. I just don't feel like being near a lot of people. I want nothing to do with humanity. I want to lock myself in my room and wish for things to be better. Alison, do I need to email you the cell number so you can call me for the festival? oO;;

Today I had a family function. It was aunt's 25th Wedding Anniversary. I avoided people most of the time and rarely talked. I was still not in a good mood.. and My family + Me = NO. I really don't like my family much. >_>;; I prefer to stay away from them, not being around them. Why? Too many people, and they all ask 1233243552345234 more questions than I'd like to answer. I mean, they ask everything down to what color socks you are wearing. It's sssoooo annoying. It was an okay day though. I was there, but I was not social... which brings me to my next comment.

Does everyone wonder why I stay depressed? Well, here is a big reason. My family adores to put me down in any way they can find all the time. I've been cleaning my face every day and night so my face will look nice. Well, I happen to think that my skin is doing nicely. It's not completely cleared up, but it looks a lot better. I was lazy today, so I washed my face but put no make up on. My mother looks at me with disgust and tells me that I should wash my face more. _._;;; That instantly depressed me for the day. Last night I was accused of being a lesbian. ::falls over::

These are things I've been accused of now:

I'd love to know how most of the things came about. *nwejewrbherui* Well, anyway, my mother is mad at me because I'm not a social butterfly like her. I can't just go out and make friends out of the blue. I'm too cautious and paranoid about stuff like that. Plus, I hate this town. I'd rather get through my last year of high school alone than converse with the idiots around here. All of the guys are wondering what piece of ass they can get next, and all the girls are wondering who they open their legs for next. I'm sure that is not all the girls around here, but that's most of them. I hate stupid people.

Leading to this. Prom. It's on April 30th. I don't really want to go, but my mother wants to. I want to make her happy. I know she's going to be upset if I don't go... but you need a date. And your date has to be of the opposite sex. That rules out going with a friend or with a group. I hate men, so where am I supposed to get one from for a date?!

I feel like breaking down and crying. I'm sick of this house, as I've been in it for 10 days... and I'm sick of living in this town. I want to get away. I want to live somewhere I can be free and be happy. I hate being so depressed all the time, and I hate being paranoid even more.

I feel that I don't belong anywhere. I feel like I'm too much of an oddball & strange that I can't go anywhere. Oi. I'm glad school is starting back. That way I can focus on something else.

Someone save me.... I feel like I'm going insane. Everything's fading. Before long, I'll be a mere shadow.
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Another survey [03 Apr 2005|12:51pm]
Survey!Collapse )
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I'm unstable again after a few days of being okay. [02 Apr 2005|12:25pm]
Today is just not my day.
I'm really not in a good mood, and already I've had two phone calls from people. One was from someone saying "Vote for me for some reason" and the other was a stupid telemarketer. And then, I just had to answer the door and play nice to a parent who brought strawberries for my aunt. That mean she'll be by later, and I'll have to speak to her.
Something is going on with my parents and that is making things worse.
Oh.... I hope no one tries to cross my path today. >_>;;

Also, no offense to anyone, but I feel the need to say this for my own healthiness.


Okay, I feel better. ~.~;; I hope today gets better. I have stuff I need to do, like work on my project.

::snuggles in her oversized sweater:: Nyah.

One other thing..
I really, really, really wish I could leave here. I promise that I would never come back. I hate this small town. I despise the people in it. They hate me back. I just want to leave and be free.

3 comments|post comment

[02 Apr 2005|10:35am]
Stolen from Lauchan:

SurveyCollapse )

And this was stolen from Sephie forever ago, but it was never posted:

Survey 2Collapse )
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[01 Apr 2005|05:06pm]
Today was a freaking boring day. x___________x;; I hate spring break. I actually want to go back to school. Being here is really boring. All I do is play around on the computer, eat, watch tv, bathe, and sleep. *rnrnewjrb* Sometimes I play DDR.

I took a 2+ hour nap today. >_<;;; I'm never going to sleep tonight.

Oh! Last night I was freaking out. We had a tornado watch and it was raining. Now, I'm used to both but... it was dark outside, and my parents were not here. ;~; I was in my huge house, all alone, with it dark, raining, and a tornado watch. x_x;; I was so scared. I did talk to Seke-chan and Makoto-chan [THANK YOU!] for a little while, but I got so tired that I went upstairs. I fell asleep at like 9 pm. *dies* That's craziness!

*laughs* I found Nori-san's AIM sn yesterday. ;D I was poking at him yesterday for a little while. It was fun. ;~; But he was doing stuff for work, so I left him alone. *heehee* I can play nice. *laughs* >_>;;;

And Makoto-chan said I was nice. <33333 I consider myself a really mean and blunt person, but yeah, I guess to friends I'm pretty nice. ^^;;; I'm slipping! Nooooooo~!!! T_T

My brain is on one track today. x_x;; It's impossible for me to think of two things at the same time. I almost got a headache from trying. Yeah for one-trackedness. ::sarcasm::

Anddd... come on guys, 2 songs left to guess from my last entry! Aww, you guys can do it!!! I want to see people guess to it's completion!! ^__^;;; krystalkougarus finished it! <33!!

Okay, now I'm going because I have nothing more to say, and I'm still bored out of my mind. ::goes to annoy people on AIM:: BUAHAHAHA.

6 comments|post comment

[31 Mar 2005|06:44pm]
Stolen from Lauchan:

ONE: Pick 10 musicians.
TWO: Post them and see who can guess which song of each musician's is your favorite.
THREE: Once someone guesses right, bold that row and include your favorite song.

1. Dir en grey: -mushi- [seraphism]
2. Malice Mizer: Illumanti [kagensakura]
3. camino: keigai ~nokosa retamono~ [krystalkougarus]
4. hide: LEMONed I Scream [krystalkougarus]
5. HYDE: The Cape of Storms [krystalkougarus]
6. T.M.Revolution: Destined For... [tmfreak]
7. Aliene Ma'riage: Kourin [seraphism]
8. Pierrot: Sacred [krystalkougarus]
9. MUCC: Zetsubou [krystalkougarus]
10. Gackt: Nine Spiral [seraphism]

Can you guess mine? ;D Yay for all of you that guessed! ::kudos to everyone::
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I dreamt of a scorpion... [30 Mar 2005|11:06am]

To see a scorpion in your dream, represents a situation in your waking life which may have been painful or hurtful. It is also indicative of destructive feelings, "stinging" remarks, bitter words and/or negative thoughts being expressed by or aimed against you. Your dream forewarns of a self-destructive and self-defeating path. The scorpion is also a symbol of death and rebirth. You need to get rid of the old and make room for something new. Alternatively, the scorpion may also represent a person who is born under the astrological sign for Scorpio.

To see scorpions floating in water, suggests that you need to let go of some pain and learn to accept the situation. You may be going through the three-step process of denial, acceptance, and finally moving on.

Hmm, very intriguing.

In my dream, one was trying to sting me. I kept running from it, but no matter how fast I ran, it was always right behind me. Finally, someone caught it by the body and slung it into this lake thingy.

And that's all I remember. oO;;;
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[30 Mar 2005|09:14am]
[ mood | scared ]



Yes, they reeaalllllyyyy are getting to me. I keep wanting to say "Mako has balloons for the kiddies!" but that should never be. I don't know why this is getting to me. I mean, first it was the hat I wanted to steal from him.

Then the top hat... which I want to steal.

Then that damn scarf I want to burn.

Now balloons.

Mako... are you okay? o_o;; *worryworry* It's like, Mako went RAINBOW.

And since most of you are confused: http://www.deadman.jp/ <--- Seeeee, he's trying to be the mad hatter or something.

And another random thing I just noticed is Mako is very skinny. ;~; OMG.


I. Must. Calm. Down.

In other news, I'm going to the bookstore today, will eat pizza, and Ookami is staying the night!!!

Now, I gotta remember to email Lin about something. _._;;

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